This Is For Anyone Who’s Feeling Lost
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Every now and then, I’ll feel lost.
Sometimes, it’s because I’ve made a small detour — a wrong turn on the road, getting on the wrong train, or seeing someone’s true colours after I’ve trusted them.
In these instances, finding my way home or getting back on my feet usually doesn’t take long.
But at other times, I’ll get knocked off my feet and find myself drifting aimlessly, with no anchor or destination in sight.
When this happens, I know it’s a sign that something isn’t right, and it’s time to either course-correct or reconsider the path I’ve been walking.
Having emerged on the other side of feeling lost many times throughout my life, these are the truths I’ve come to fall back on when I need to find my way back to a place that feels right:
IT MAY BE TIME FOR A MINDSET CHECK
Just because you feel lost, it doesn’t mean that you are.
Self-doubt can have a way of creeping into your thoughts without you realising it, making you question everything, even when your plan feels right.
If left unchecked, this self-doubt can fester into negativity and disbelief in your own abilities, prompting you to give up prematurely.
So no, in the absence of concrete evidence, you’re not lost. Your fickle mind is simply playing tricks on you by making you think that you are.
When this happens, it’s your cue to remind yourself: “I can do this, I believe in myself, and I’ll get there.”
YOU DON’T ALWAYS NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GOING
While driving home from work one evening, I made a turn into a cemetery, hoping it would serve as a quick shortcut through the almost standstill traffic just outside of it.
Well, I was right in that there was no traffic congestion to hold me up, but what I didn’t expect was to be the only one driving through what seemed like a massive cemetery with no exit in sight.
There were no street lights on the long, winding road I was on.
It was getting dark, and I was getting nervous.
To keep moving, I had only my car’s headlights to rely on.
Eventually, I found my way out of the cemetary and made my way home.
Life is a lot like that — it’s impossible to see what’s ahead, and to get ahead, you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other with a healthy dose of self-belief, and trust that things will work out, even if you don’t feel ready.
And when you do get lost, sometimes the best thing you can do is wander, explore and see where not having a plan takes you.
FIND OUT WHAT’S STANDING IN THE WAY
Ever find yourself going round in circles despite knowing what to do and how to do it?
Whenever this pattern comes up, you’re not lost; you’re procrastinating.
For me, putting off things I should be doing is a sign that I’m giving in to fear — fear of the unfamiliar, failure or disappointment.
When this happens, I find that the only way to get over this hurdle is to focus on the ‘doing’, because that’s how I build the confidence I need to amalgamate the new and unknown into my life.
The more I do, the less resistance I feel towards the ‘doing’.
MAYBE YOU NEED TO GO IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION
If you’re feeling directionless or ambivalent about something, the simple answer could be that it’s not meant for you.
On paper, your plan may make perfect sense, but if every inch of your body, mind and heart is screaming “no, this doesn’t feel right“, then it’s likely not.
This could be your cue to cut your losses, let go, and keep exploring until you find a path that feels right.
Remember that as long as the chapters of your life are still unfolding, it’s never too late to rewrite your story.
IT MAY BE TIME TO CONFRONT YOUR FEARS AND TRAUMAS
For a long time, I allowed myself to feel lost in my past.
I had a nasty habit of replaying old, painful memories over and over again, keeping me stuck in a destructive loop of events that were, in reality, already behind me.
This went on for years, until I decided to press the reset on my life and start seeing a therapist to get unstuck.
It can be hard to resist giving in to the negativity that our minds are very capable of creating, but having come out on the other side, I can tell you that it’s even harder to wake up one day and realise that you’ve wasted years of your life being stuck in the past.
FILTER OUT THE NOISE
A big mistake I used to make all the time was to announce my plans to just about everyone I knew.
If I thought of starting a new workout, it was on Facebook.
When I had a new creative project idea, all my friends knew about it.
As soon as I thought about something, I just had to tell someone.
Until I realised that the more I shared, the less I was likely to actually follow through with whatever it is I was sharing.
This is because the more people knew, the more unsolicited opinions, comparisons, advice and judgements came my way, pulling me in different directions.
As a result, I ended up going nowhere.
I’ve since learned to filter out the noise by listening to my gut, which in turn, has helped sharpen my decision-making and life-navigating skills.
FIND PEOPLE WHO FEEL LIKE HOME
The older I get, the more I realise that the kind of people I want in my life are the ones that make me feel the way family should: Safe, seen and supported.
These are the friendships that shine a gentle, loving light on the darkest corners of my life, and help illuminate a path to safety, warmth and laughter.
Whenever I feel lost, these connections serve as an anchor, pulling me back into into my truth.
If you can, let go of the people in your life who consistently bring unhealed wounds, unnecessary drama and more problems to your table — these are the ones who will drive you off course by stealing your peace, energy and focus.
Keep looking for the right people until you find them.
And when you do, you’ll know.
There won’t be a need for constant pandering to fragile egos, fixing of messes that you didn’t make, or walking on eggshells; only your presence, an open heart and honesty.
START FEELING CALMER, HAPPIER & HEALTHIER…NOW.
If you’re too busy surviving, chances are, you’re not thriving. You’re feeling tired, unhealthy, unmotivated and just plain worn-out from life. I created my FREE Daily Self-Care Ritual Workbook just for busy folks like you who want to take back their health, peace of mind and happiness. Get your very own copy of the workbook HERE. No spam. Just helpful, good-for-you stuff. Pinky swear.
HELPFUL RESOURCES
Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways To Slow Down And Enjoy The Things That Really Matter by Elaine St. James I got my hands on this treasure over 15 years ago, way before simple living and minimalism became popular, and it was the first resource that introduced me to the practical, everyday steps I needed to ‘un-complicate’ my life.
Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How To Say No To Take Control Of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend Not having boundaries can end up wreaking havoc in your relationships and leave you feeling resentful, used, and disrespected. In this book, Cloud and Townsend show you how to get over the guilt of setting limits (this is particularly helpful if you’re a recovering people-pleaser like me) and equip you with the skills you need to build healthy relationships that will fulfill, not drain you dry.
Difficult Conversations: How To Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen and Roger Fisher Lousy, conflict-ridden conversations strain relationships, and don’t make difficult relationships any better. Here, the authors take you into the process of managing and expressing your feelings constructively rather than constantly muddling through who’s right, who meant what and who’s to blame.
Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret To Recognizing And Coping With Narcissists by Dr. Craig Malkin I never realized narcissists existed until I became tangled up with one for several years. It was only after I discovered what a narcissist was that I understood the damage that had been done to me. Dr. Malkin, a therapist, explains the true nature of narcissism — the good and bad, how unhealthy levels of narcissism can wreak havoc on your life, how to spot red flags that you might be dealing with a narcissist, and how to not only cope, but thrive when dealing with the narcissists in your life.
The Simple Living Guide When life feels overwhelming, this guide-and-workbook-in-one will help you gain clarity with your values, well-being, career, relationships and money.
The Good Morning Guide If your mornings are typically rushed, chaotic and stressful, I made this guide to help you start your day calm, sane and strong.
Tribe Of Mentors: Short Life Advice From The Best In The World by Timothy Ferriss Nothing beats having a mentor in your life who can personally guide you from day one. But not everyone does, and if (like me), you don’t, it doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from the best. Take what you need from the likes of Ray Dalio, Ben Stiller, Bear Grylls and more in this varied but comprehensive compilation of bite-sized advice on life, work and purpose from some of the best minds in the world.
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