When Life Gets Hard, Remember This
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“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: The last of human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
-Viktor E. Frankl
The world is a painful, traumatic place right now.
Wait. That’s not entirely true. The truth is, it always has been a painful and traumatic place.
If we’ve been lucky enough, perhaps life hasn’t been as painful in our corner of the world or in our lifetime.
But even then, almost no one is lucky enough to escape the personal turmoil and anguish that is part of the human condition.
You will be misused.
You will be stabbed in the back.
You will lose a partner.
You might lose a child.
You will lose friends.
You might have to go through something horrible that others will never understand.
You may go through life feeling constantly lonely.
You may have to watch everything you’ve built get taken away from you.
You might get very sick and have to face your mortality unexpectedly.
Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people every single day.
As we muddle through this messy thing called life, we try to make sense of everything that happens to and around us.
We try to find meaning in the chaos.
Sometimes, we give up hope of finding any meaning at all, choosing instead to drift through life feeling cynical, disillusioned and angry.
But the thing is, I don’t want to.
And I don’t want you to either.
If there’s no meaning to anything, then what left is there to make of our existence?
LOOK FOR THE LIGHT WHEN IT GETS DARK
In his book Man’s Search For Meaning, Holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankl’s book spoke about how despite the inhumane circumstances he and his fellow prisoners were in, the few who lived and subsequently thrived after leaving the concentration camps had these characteristics in common:
Acceptance
“Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death, life cannot be complete”, said Frankl.
It is this pain that allows a person to add a deeper meaning to their life — whether to live on bravely, unselfishly and with dignity, or to fall into a bitter spiral of self-preservation that makes them more primitive animal than human.
A Big ‘Why’
Frankl lived by these words of German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: “He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear with almost any ‘how’”.
When he saw prisoners whose strength to live was fading away, Frankl and his comrades would help them dig deep to discover their why for living.
This helped strengthen them to bear the unimaginable how of their existence in the concentration camps.
This one small act helped keep them alive and subsequently, go on to rebuild their lives long after they left the camps.
Faith
Frankl, whose parents, brother and pregnant wife were killed in concentration camps, theorized that for most of the prisoners, the losses they had suffered: Health, family, happiness, professional abilities, fortune and position in society — were all things that could be achieved again or restored.
As long as they were still alive, they had reason to be optimistic that they had a future of their own making, and that whatever they had gone through would always be an asset to them.
Grit
Frankl acknowledged that their chances of survival were small, but repeatedly made it clear to everyone around him that despite what seemed like a hopeless situation, he had no intention of giving up, and wanted his friends to believe the same.
He lived by the Nietzsche conviction “that which does not kill me, makes me stronger”, and helped his friends nurture the same mindset.
The Ability To Reframe
When faced with a hopeless situation, you are challenged to change yourself, wrote Frankl.
When you are able to reframe a situation and find the strength to turn a personal tragedy into a triumph, you give your suffering purpose and meaning.
While his friends were wondering if they would live and even as Frankl descended into moments where it seemed as if he wouldn’t survive, he thought to himself: “Has all this suffering, this dying around us, a meaning?”
If not, he concluded, then there is no meaning to survival, for a life whose meaning depends on luck and whether one escapes or not, ultimately wouldn’t be worth living at all.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE
While re-reading Man’s Search For Meaning during a particularly low moment, I was reminded that when I’m driven by meaning and purpose, I’ll be more likely to make choices that are based on what my grounded, wiser and hopeful future self wants, instead of allowing my past to define me or hold me hostage.
Ultimately, you and I become what we believe.
Whatever your purpose is, I hope you’ll find it and let it drive you to the future of your dreams.
HELPFUL RESOURCES
Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl When I’m struggling with something that’s making me feel hopeless and stuck , this book is my refuge. It serves as a constant reminder that I cannot control what happens to and around me, but how things turn out ultimately depends on how I respond to whatever happens and the meaning I attach to it.
Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways To Slow Down And Enjoy The Things That Really Matter by Elaine St. James I got my hands on this treasure over 15 years ago, way before simple living and minimalism became popular, and it was the first resource that introduced me to the practical, everyday steps I needed to ‘un-complicate’ my life.
Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How To Say No To Take Control Of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend Not having boundaries can end up wreaking havoc in your relationships and leave you feeling resentful, used, and disrespected. In this book, Cloud and Townsend show you how to get over the guilt of setting limits (this is particularly helpful if you’re a recovering people-pleaser like me) and equip you with the skills you need to build healthy relationships that will fulfill, not drain you dry.
Difficult Conversations: How To Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen and Roger Fisher Lousy, conflict-ridden conversations strain relationships, and don’t make difficult relationships any better. Here, the authors take you into the process of managing and expressing your feelings constructively rather than constantly muddling through who’s right, who meant what and who’s to blame.
Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret To Recognizing And Coping With Narcissists by Dr. Craig Malkin I never realized narcissists existed until I became tangled up with one for several years. It was only after I discovered what a narcissist was that I understood the damage that had been done to me. Dr. Malkin, a therapist, explains the true nature of narcissism — the good and bad, how unhealthy levels of narcissism can wreak havoc on your life, how to spot red flags that you might be dealing with a narcissist, and how to not only cope, but thrive when dealing with the narcissists in your life.
The Simple Living Guide When life feels overwhelming, this guide-and-workbook-in-one will help you gain clarity with your values, well-being, career, relationships and money.
The Good Morning Guide If your mornings are typically rushed, chaotic and stressful, I made this guide to help you start your day calm, sane and strong.
Tribe Of Mentors: Short Life Advice From The Best In The World by Timothy Ferriss Nothing beats having a mentor in your life who can personally guide you from day one. But not everyone does, and if (like me), you don’t, it doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from the best. Take what you need from the likes of Ray Dalio, Ben Stiller, Bear Grylls and more in this varied but comprehensive compilation of bite-sized advice on life, work and purpose from some of the best minds in the world.
START FEELING CALMER, HAPPIER & HEALTHIER…NOW.
If you’re too busy surviving, chances are, you’re not thriving. You’re feeling tired, unhealthy, unmotivated and just plain worn-out from life. I created my FREE Daily Self-Care Ritual Workbook just for busy folks like you who want to take back their health, peace of mind and happiness. Get your very own copy of the workbook HERE. No spam. Just helpful, good-for-you stuff. Pinky swear.
*Photo credit: Vadim Vasenin / Depositphotos